Reality of love

All these times

I thought

You’d change

If only I loved you more

Days would pass by

Without you calling

Even on my birthday

Worse feeling ever

I’d lie by myself

Staring at the roof

Asking endless questions

I call

And you ignore me

Like a total stranger

The next day

You act like nothing happened

I cry and beg for your love

You look

And tell me with a smile

That I am complicated and too much

You make promises

And fail to keep them

What do I need to do?

To make you love me

I am drowning

Can you not see?

What did I ever do?

To deserve such treatment

I no longer recognize myself

You have taken so much

From me

And I allowed you

But no more

Throughout my life

I have always ran towards you

While you away from me

Although it took me great time

To see and realize

I am ready

To let go

And repel

Against any gravitation towards you

Love

you walked in

one look at you

i knew

you were exactly

what I never knew

I needed

a beautiful disaster

a bit scary and unexpected

never been in this position

before

in control I have always been

but not with you

its a new world

of what true love

is capable of in a human

i was shaking like never before

could not sit still

my heart was loosing control

all plans i ever had

were aborted

of not aligning with a committed relationship

I’d move mountains

I’d be for you

in everything and everywhere

I will keep my promise

to love, protect and keep you safe

to walk for you where you fail

to be your strength when weak

for i have loved you

since day one

and will always love you

for zillions years to come

I appreaciate you

for showing me

that true love exists

from day

upon meeting

‘without even uttering any words

and just purely connecting

through each other’s presence, attraction and spirit

I could never have believed “true love”

had it not happened to me

for it’s rare nowadays

but our instant connection

revealed that it’s possible

in places

and with people

that we thought of

like with you – it was love at first sight

we were total strangers

who instantly had a love connection

The normalized love story of Tshepo and Lerato in our communities

Tshepo tried by all means to protect someone that he genuinely loved from almost everything that was bad and toxic, hence in his quest to provide his partner Lerato with the necessary protection, he shockingly discovered that the only protection she ever needed, should have strictly been against him from the start. Every day has its discovery, too bad that his eventually forced him to critically introspect, revisit and re-evaluate his principles and dual-interaction where love is concerned. That still had no positive effect either. He soon realised that he has been partially selfish which led to an emotional abuse that his partner suffered as a result. He may have seen it coming but did not think or make much of it. Lerato was strong and independent and graciously still is presently, however at the center of it, she was just human, has feelings and a heart that could easily break if abused and not handled with care as it was the case.
The story of Tshepo and Lerato is no different from most couples in South Africa as from a distance their relationship looks admirable but when one comes closer to there is actually less to love about its functioning. As it is made up of so many dangerous complexities and islands with constant hidden raging waves of all form of abuse which at times seems detectable and invisible to many in close circles. Similar relationships also are evident in our circles and extremely physical to some extent that a woman would loses her life in the hands of her partner or it is deeply draining of one’s emotional capacity to be able to deal with one-self issues related as well as emanating from being in a rather toxic relationship. Therefore a broad societal concept of abuse should never be constrained or restricted only to physical, financial or and emotional harm.
All these times when Lerato switched off the alarm of her heart and every time she would visit his place. She had no idea that she was always in a prone abuse zone – dangerously this happens at the same time when her guard is down for she thinks she’s safe and in the hands of her protector who soon caused emotional abuse. But her instincts have always alluded to her that there was nothing but disappointment to attain from this particular relationship. But she never fully understood what her instincts meant or were trying to warn her of. As outspoken and opinionated she was, little did she realise that she was literally running away from being single as perpetuated by societal norms, fear of loneliness and oppositely toward an unpredictable emotional abuse by her partner, Tshepo. But she had an idea of the type of her partner truly was but still, this should not serve as a base for any man to inexcusably justify bad behaviour and sickness of any kind which is massively associated, contributes and directly leads to abuse, either intentional or unintentional or both. However, be that as it may, this should be prevented at whatever cost. Government, men and society as a whole need to play their part by teaching themselves how to treat women in their lives when they are not close by and even when they are, distance or no distance the behavioural pattern should remain the same and not be influenced by distance, absence, and worse patriarchy as this should be prevented. Abuse in a country such as South Africa is caused mainly by men like Tshepo, Frankie, myself and many other more. We perpetuated or accelerated the scourge of abuse through various ways such as the culture of remaining silence when one of us as man; objectifies, insults, beats-up, rapes and murders a woman or worse a baby for no good reason. Women such as Lerato also fail to react accordingly to any sort of abuse from men like Tshepo. But this still does not excuse any barbaric and abusive acts committed by my men against women and children in South Africa. Why should it always has to be woman who needs to firstly act an abusive man? The legal system needs to fragmented in a way that its implementation would do justice for millions of desperate women who happen to find themselves facing abuse from their partners. In addition, the entire process somehow from a different perspective highlights one error that humans commit by simply thinking that someone like Tshepo or any other abusive man would change. No amount of love, patience, respect, intimacy, understanding, mothering and commitment would ever truly change a person for as long as one is not willing to change for whatever reason.
It’s quite unfortunate that regardless of how much effort one may exhibit and dispense with the purest intention of constructively highlighting and criticising mistakes that one partner commits could amount to no success. At times you think a partner would view and receive criticism well, only to find out later that one has for a long time been pretending to have taken your concerns into consideration. The reason being that there are certain individuals that just don’t take life seriously nor care about anyone. They are incapable to love as their minds are programmed to cause nothing but harm to women. Some feel so much hatred towards women that even a mere love cannot dilute it. Some look human but lack any human traits such as emotions and love among other things. When caught in the act of evil or abuse of women – it’s never their fault or they are simply victims or they show no remorse which clearly reveal their tendency to repeat similar if not far worse crimes. The unfortunate part is that if some of this abusers and psychopaths would never be rehabilitated even if they pretentiously show signs of such as they are extremely intelligent. Abuse of any kind should never be tolerated. If you survive it today there is no guarantee that tomorrow you will. This should always be remembered. We only have one life and no form of abuse condoned and perpetuated by love is worth us sacrificing our lives over. Women please understand this. Pay attention to your instincts. Do not tolerate any abusive tendencies at all from any man. Or else you stand huge chance of becoming part of statistics in S.A. Being a woman in South Africa is dangerous that any human should be.